Survival cheaperton style

I know my avid and constant (ha!--excluding you fine folks who leave the wonderful comments in chinese that are sex advertisements. Seriously, I love you guys) imaginary readers and Jane who reads this crap because of a decade long friendship and a house of cards, have been pulling your hair out and drinking toilet cleanser waiting to hear of my adventures in redneck-land. Well, my chickadees and perverts, wait no more!
Here is what I have been up to:

I bought a tablecloth at Kohls. I found it stuffed in the back and it was on clearance for about 10 bucks which just happened to be the amount of Kohls cash I had in pocket. I got up to the register and it rang up for about .15. Yes it did and after they cleaned the aisle, it was all good.

I need to buy stock in Raid bug spray. It is never on sale and I cant ever find a coupon. I wrote a few love letters to the company but they keep ignoring me. They wont ignore me for long, though, because I wont be ignored. Maybe sending a suggestive pic of me in my hunting camo gear holding my darling spray will be the way to go. That or telling Mr. Raid-inventor-man that I am going to have his love child. One or the other. Anyway, I use the crap out of it and it is far superior to Black Flag. Spend the extra buck, people, cause it takes about 15 seconds of continuous spraying to kill anything with Black Flag. Not cool.

Lowes is the only place on earth that carries sheer window panels in 95 in length for less than 5 bazillion dollars. 10 bucks per panel to keep my backside from becoming neighborhood gossip is 10 bucks well spent in my book.

Buy tasty beverages on sale. Bi-Lo here is my new favorite. Anyone who does an MVP (Holler Food Lion! I still love you even if you are on the far side of town and I am too cheap to drive all the way out to BFE to visit you!) like sale on tasty beverages is, in my opinion, a God on earth. And stock up.

Finally, TJ maxx and Ross have the same crap no matter where you go and Little Ceasars pizza is nasty in every state and in every town. It is these small constants in life that keep me sane. That and many, many beverages.