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I want that

 I am in love with Brooks Brothers and their Black Fleece collection is soooooo badass it isnt even funny. However, I am sure they would turn me out of the store the minute I set foot in, so I am reduced to visiting these cardigans online. A steal at 187.00 each. Who is gonna buy me one? I will be your friend forever. I promise to tell your secrets, eat all of your food and make fun of your clothes just like a real friend!

I am always looking for fabulous clothes for Master P, too, and the Black Fleece mens collection is soooo droolworthy. The models are so Harvardy and hawt and look like they could have been members of the Kinks. It does me in everytime.

So, not so cheaperton, but something to save for I reckon. Maybe that change jar will go ahead and fill up.

Good shoes to hide my missing toenail

I had a hankering for a pair of sperry topsiders. Since no one who reads this knows who I am really, this will not shock you, but to my other (2) readers who actually know me this could be potentially shocking. I dont go anywhere near boats, I am about to move to TornadoLand and be nowhere near a beach or a boat (but I will be close to a nasty ass polluted river, which kind of counts). This hankering is not usual for me, but I wanted blue angelfish sperrys and have them I must.

In my search I browsed online and then searched in earnest online and then resorted to bribery (I will quit calling you if you buy me these shoes. I will quit hanging out in your bushes if you buy me these shoes. I wont ruin your lovelife with false statements if you buy me these shoes) all to no avail. Then, lo and behold! My new Belk's card came in the mail along with my ghastly credit card statement (a lie, it isnt that bad...really...) and a 20% off coupon and 10 dollars in Belks Bucks. Yes, the day was mine. I ended up with these completely adorable shoes which I will wear sockless (heh heh heh) and I got them for less than 50 bucks.

So I will have preppy feet, but in reality I bought these because I lost 1/4 of my big toenail and needed some comfortable yet not butt dog ugly shoes to cover the monstrosity that is my water ski feet. Rejoice with me!

Things I find funny today

I was spending this morning much like I spend most of my mornings and afternoons which would be lying in bed and eating cake and hacking around on the internet when I made the hilarious discovery that I have been blocked on facebook by a woman I have never met. How do I know this and why do I care? Well, I will tell you. We have mutual friends and I was posting a comment on said mutual friends wall and I saw a familiar last name. Well I clicked on this gal and figured out she was the wife of a boy I very, very casually dated. Like held hands at church camp dated. I thought "Oh, how nice. That repulsive bag of grotesque flesh found someone to love him" and I went on about my merry way. I typed her name in and discovered that, alas, she could not be found. Yes, my imaginary readers, I was blocked!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!! What makes this extra funny is that this poor woman is probably jealous of me holding her husbands fat sweaty hand when I was 15. She thought enough about it and hated me enough to seek me out and block me. I would love to crack up, but it is really quite pitiful.

In savings news, I hit up more lands end yesterday. I snagged two pairs of baby britches (very cute and excellent quality), a patent leather picture keychain for my mother, a long sleeved broadcloth shirt (monogrammed cause I am an obsessed loser) and a lands end Canvas tank top cause I am tossing out all of my junky ones. (Lands End Canvas is the less momish version of lands end, complete with delectable male models looking Harvardy)I only spent 33 bucks and if everything had been at full price (and if I had paid for shipping which I REFUSE to do because it is against my religion) it would have been well over 150.00.

I had another good run the day before (you know, while lying in bed eating cake and drinking Dr Perky) at Lands End and hooked up on a shadow stripe tank (I already have navy and black--50% cotton, 50% modal and they DO NOT cling to the nightmare that is my stomach for which I am eternally grateful. Love the kids, but my stomach looks like a rabid dog got ahold of me and shook my belly skin violently. It is so beyond hot) and a henly tee for less than 12 bucks and free shipping and I paid for it with paypal money from the poor suckers who buy my junk on ebay.

So, in closing, I am feared and hated by women everywhere (well, just one and she is obviously insane), I keep buying monogrammed stuff even though I am the last thing from preppy (I like to think of myself as lazy/lardy) and getting out of bed for any reason is completely overrated.

I am a better shopper than you

And I know it.




I am obsessed with crap with my name on it (I dont need the other hobos stealing my junks, thank you very much) and Lands End knows what I want. I did the hook up on these cute button down shirts for 4.99 each and I bought a truck load of cashmere.

Also, in the lands end dept, I bought all of my nephews christmas gifts there. They got clothes. Haqhahahhahahaa!!!! There is nothing I like more than seeing the shock and disappointment on the face of a small child as they realize they got some nice practical slacks for christmas. I do the same thing to my kids, too, so dont think I am a total sadist.


In other cheaperton news, I hooked up on 6 place settings of gorgeous everyday Noritake china for less than 170.00. They would have cost me over 320.00, but I not only caught a great sale at Belks, but had a 15% off coupon and 10.00 in Belks certificates (that they give people who are stupid enought to jack up their charge cards, of which I would be a member---but I pay it off, so no chinese lectures, please,unless you are bringing booze) so I made out like a bandit. And, as Master P would say, "I want you to have what you want because then you make cakes". Lucky I am.

I am so minimalist it is scary...

So, there is a new trend of tossing out all of your crap and living with nothing. I like this trend, as most of the stuff I own I wouldnt mind setting on fire, but inspired by a bazillion lists of crap people dont own, here is my own list of crap I DO own. Dig it:

1. a gas guzzling landrover
2. a gps in said landrover and another one that I move to my other car (haha!)
3. a stupid expensive spanish leather handbag (that you KNOW I got on sale for 75 bucks!)
4. too many Lilly Pulitzer dresses (is there such a thing? No, there aint)
5.every wooden Thomas train known to man (they are not G-Money's, they are mine. I play with them when he is asleep. heh heh)
6. too many paperback books and tons of other ones I dont even read (but, since I love cash monies, I am selling some on ebay, so stop by ebay, search for crap cheaperton doesnt want and buy my junk)
7. useless dishes cause we only eat takeout off of styrofoam plates that we toss into rivers and streams
8. eleventy billion LP records
9. 5 gazillion cardboard boxes (to spruce up the ol homestead)
10. about 37 bottles of expired medicine (I have a game I play called "lets see what mommy will see when she takes this combination!"

So, there it is. I want you, my lovely non english readers who post dirty stuff in chinese on my unread blog, to tell me what you think?I think I need to go buy more crap. On sale. of course.

Not-so-cheaperton....

Sighhhhh....I have to make a confession. But, before I confess, you need backstory. My 10 year (I know, I look way too old from a life of hard drugs, cleanser cocktails and constant worry to have graduated high school only 10 years before) high school reunion is coming up in about 3 dreadful weeks. While I am confident that everyone else is either fat, boring or gross or living in a van in a not-so-lucrative part of the river as mine, I was stressing as to a dress. The reunion is going to be in the middle of redneckville, which suites me, but I went to prep-neck high and I dont know what these people will be wearing and, lets be honest here, I have to outdress them. So, stupid me goes to the mall. I go to white house black market. I buy a much too expensive dress. I get dress home and ask myself what the hell I was smoking/drinking/popping to spend this much on something that while it looks fabulous on me, I can never wear again anywhere. Back it goes today...to a different location, of course, but whatever.

Here is the good news! I found the perfect dress this morning while lying in bed eating generic pop tarts and drinking Dr K (kroger's version of my Dr Pep...It aint half bad, either)and looking at all the crap on anthro I cant afford to buy when I saw the perfect dress on clearance and a full 80 smackers less than the one from Rape your pocketbook in a black market.

I love it. It hid my many pox and afflictions when I tried it on in the store, but I looked at the price tag and threw up in my mouth. Now that it is less than 75 bucks I can justify.

Other than losing my mind temporarily and paying full price for a bedazzled nightmare, I have had much luck in the shoppery these past few days. Got an adorable Lilly Pulitzer dress for FIFTY BUCKS brand new. I know I am weird for being pink and green obsessed, but it looks so freaking good with my tan. Also picked up some Lucky Brand red leather moccasins for 20 bucks. Oh yeah.

so these are not the exact shoes, mine are way cuter cause mine are red and not this crap they call "dusky violet". What they really mean is faded the hell out gray. Anyway, bought both dress and shoes at Belks, and let me tell you...the shoe dept was covered in blood, the sale was soooo goood.

So, to recap: I was wallet raped because I was desperate. I got not so desperate and found a deal. I found even better deals on other crap, too. So, the moral of the story is dont drink and drive.