ways to survive a military move...for like, five cents

as I sit here on my gigantic butt, eating a faux tart and writing to my non-existant readers, I have been thinking of ways to survive a military move for, like, five cents. well, maybe more, but less than 10 bucks.

1. generic tylenol 3. I got some and it is less than 3 bucks with my rx plan. I never move without it. Not only does it make me climb to the rooftops buck nekkid with a feather in my navel, but it also makes me see Jerry Springer hang out in my bathroom. always a plus.

2. Airplane bottles. You know, to wash down the sams choice tylenol 3. Dont know how much, but less than 10 bucks for sure.

3. Dr. Phil on the DVR. No matter how jacked up your house is, your furniture is or how many times the movers make fun of your music selections (who doesnt have the best of John Denver on 8 track, I would like to know?) or clothes (neon flowered muu-muus=awesome. I dont care what you say, scary toothless man!) you can always turn on the Dr Phil family on Mondays and see how bad off everyone else really is. Our DVR service is pretty cheap, and with our craptastic bundle, we get crappy HBO (who would have thought that Encore would have better movies?), extra crap internet and super scratchy phone!! DVR, though, is my baby daddy. And, really, it aint that expensive and it allows me to watch the horror that is that trashalina gal with three younguns by three different mens. Lurve it.

4.Little Ceasars. Yes, the cheap ass pizza that was basically cardboard with sauce that you ate the hell out of as a kid is now 5 bucks for a nasty ass pie. Forget cooking for my family, I can scrape up change out of the couch cushions and from under the seats of my car and provide a slightly nasty, yet filling meal.

5. The can redemption at Wal-Mart. That thing doesnt really like my Dr. Bob cans, but, dammit, after shoving those suckers in there about 5 times each, it gets me my nickel. and, 5 huge trash bags later, 10 bucks I can spend on generic narcotics, baby bottles of booze and a nasty pizza while I am lulled to sleep by the soft glow around Dr Phils bald head.

So, to summarize, moving sucks, so stay lit and rot your brain with trash tv. it cures what ails you.l

Dressin' up the trailer!

Since we are moving in less than 3 weeks, I decided it would be in our best interest to re-do our bedroom. I was getting tired of our cobbled together craptastic bedding, and one day while tearin ass through the clearance section at the PX saw that they had a crap load (I am really into crap today) of martha stewart bedding (not the Kmart crap, the macy's crap---although I love Kmart and would live there if I could). Most of it was kind of pricey (especially if you have a sweaty army man wallering all over your bed and two kids who always have sams choice pop tart on their grubby little faces and hands)but there was this "coral glossary" (seriously, martha, couldnt you have just called it "I dream of the ocean from behind these bars?") bed set and it was marked down from 90 bucks to 40 bucks. Oh hells yeah. They sold this crap at Macy's for 200.00. Who would pay that, I dont know, but sure as hell not me. What I like is it came with euro shams and the comforter doesnt have those cheap assed looking channels sewn into it. Nice.
Why I bother to put pretty bedding on my crap furniture is beyond me, but somehow it makes me feel better when I have to pour tastee-os and magic stars into my cereal bowl.

Anyway, we have moved up a little in trailer-ville, meaning no more Dr Bob or even (gasp!) Dr Perky, but since Target decided to be kind to us po' folks and put Dr Pepper on sale for 4 for 12 bucks, we have been in hog heaven.

As long as I gaze on Waterloo Outlets I am in paradise....

Up until the army sent us to the frozen tundra, I lived less than 45 minutes from the Premium Outlets. It was great. Banoonoo Repblics, Gap, Hartstrings, and, of course, Claires (just cant get enough of that bedazzled stuff) and the holiday store where you buy those gigantic cheese and sausage logs. When I moved part of my soul died. It was terrible until I discovered the Waterloo Outlets down the road a-ways (well, like 2 hrs, but I am cool with that) up here in snowville. I have only had 1 chance to go before, but when I went shopping, I went shopping. I am pretty sure I am going to have to sell some organs on the black market to pay off the credit card, but who cares? Anyway, we had to make the trek to Rochester on Tuesday for a drs appt for G-Money and Master P got out of his indentured servitude to come with so it was a happy family subaru affair and on the way home we stopped at, where else, Waterloo!!!

Now I went with the idea that I would just buy shoes for G-Money and that would be it. Yeah right. I did go straight off to the Stride Rite store and picked up summer shoes in about .2 seconds. Now, I am probably going to upset some of my imaginary readers and ruffle a few feathers, but if you dont like it you can take your imaginary butt elsewhere, thank you, but back below the Mason-Dixon, I have a terrible time finding G-Money's size in cute shoes. Up here, I have a problem just finding cute shoes. Most of the clothes, shoes, etc for children up here is just straight up out of order or hard down butt dog ugly. I often wonder what will posess people to dress their kids in bedazzled and puff painted Dora and Diego gear, but I reckon it takes all (tacky) kinds. I digress. I found these Stride Rite sandals which would be the exact style he has been wearing since he was a real small fry. I also got him the usual low top Keds sneaks. It is disgustingly precious that Liddy will be wearing matching shoes, since I have kept EVERYTHING G-Money ever wore.

I only ended up forking out around 32 and some change for the little shoes. Not too bad, and I had saved some cash money (Keds usually go for around 25 and the sandals go for 35).

So, as previously stated, I went with the best of intentions to be, well, cheap and not spend all day dragging my exhausted children from shop to shop. Well, as my momma says, the road to hell is paved with good intentions! Wheee!!! I dragged G to every store I could (Master P had Liddy) and I ended up with not a whole lot, but what I got was 5 shades of fabulous. Banoonoo was, of course, my main damage. I picked up a Lily Pulitzeresque silk blouse and a new pair of (get this cause I am soo excited I can hardly contain myself) size 2 britches!! I came out at right about 60 smackers, which aint bad...the britches were 40% off and while the blouse was full price, it was full OUTLET price which makes it okay in my book of justification and denial. What was I saying? I forgot, but the point is, I am a shopaholic and I like to eat generic pop tarts, so it equals out.