ways to survive a military move...for like, five cents

as I sit here on my gigantic butt, eating a faux tart and writing to my non-existant readers, I have been thinking of ways to survive a military move for, like, five cents. well, maybe more, but less than 10 bucks.

1. generic tylenol 3. I got some and it is less than 3 bucks with my rx plan. I never move without it. Not only does it make me climb to the rooftops buck nekkid with a feather in my navel, but it also makes me see Jerry Springer hang out in my bathroom. always a plus.

2. Airplane bottles. You know, to wash down the sams choice tylenol 3. Dont know how much, but less than 10 bucks for sure.

3. Dr. Phil on the DVR. No matter how jacked up your house is, your furniture is or how many times the movers make fun of your music selections (who doesnt have the best of John Denver on 8 track, I would like to know?) or clothes (neon flowered muu-muus=awesome. I dont care what you say, scary toothless man!) you can always turn on the Dr Phil family on Mondays and see how bad off everyone else really is. Our DVR service is pretty cheap, and with our craptastic bundle, we get crappy HBO (who would have thought that Encore would have better movies?), extra crap internet and super scratchy phone!! DVR, though, is my baby daddy. And, really, it aint that expensive and it allows me to watch the horror that is that trashalina gal with three younguns by three different mens. Lurve it.

4.Little Ceasars. Yes, the cheap ass pizza that was basically cardboard with sauce that you ate the hell out of as a kid is now 5 bucks for a nasty ass pie. Forget cooking for my family, I can scrape up change out of the couch cushions and from under the seats of my car and provide a slightly nasty, yet filling meal.

5. The can redemption at Wal-Mart. That thing doesnt really like my Dr. Bob cans, but, dammit, after shoving those suckers in there about 5 times each, it gets me my nickel. and, 5 huge trash bags later, 10 bucks I can spend on generic narcotics, baby bottles of booze and a nasty pizza while I am lulled to sleep by the soft glow around Dr Phils bald head.

So, to summarize, moving sucks, so stay lit and rot your brain with trash tv. it cures what ails you.l