Steve Madden is overpriced, unless you pay 7.00

So I bought the above shoes for 7.00 last night at rugged warehouse. I had seen them before for 16.99 and online for anywhere between 87.00 and 34.99, but then I saw them marked down to 7.00 and knew that they should be mine, for finally the price was cheap enough.

Also threw in a pair of porcelain rose earbobs for a buck. Not too shabby.

Oh, yeah. Deals.

So, other than skulking around the fedora lounge and getting irked at all of the craziness up on there and being completely creeped out reading blogs on the quiverfull lifestyle all day, I managed to get myself out of the house tonight (about 9:30) and head over to Kohl's and see if they had anymore of those 37.99 cashmere sweaters. I was hoping they would. I was not one of the people there at 4 am knocking down grandmothers and small children (although I once pushed a fat kid down to get the last harry potter cupcake at books-a-million when the Goblet of Fire came out) and as a general rule I avoid Black Friday like the plague. Long story short, they had a gigantic selection of sweaters and I found the quality to be very good. Not a Ballantyne, but better than J. Crew (they pill too much) and sure as hell better than that mange pulled from a dog brush that Old Navy tries to pass off as cashmere. All in all I am pleased with the purchase, and 40.00 (tax included) for a dreamy aubergine cardigan I will wear frequently is a good deal in my book.

Things that irk me (and I found cheap ff stockings...that doesnt irk me)

Let me go ahead and get this out of the way so I can rant and rave like a complete nutcase.

Best full fashioned authentic stockings for the best price would be at magnolia hosiery. MH has been making them for eons and they are UNDER 20 BUCKS. How about UNDER 15 BUCKS! And they are pretty, authentic, cuban heeled and non-cuban heeled and they arent a bazillion dollars. All of you vintage stocking purists can kiss my size 9 1/2 foot. I buy new because hey, they are new and guaranteed to fit my banana boat feet.

OK---now to the crazy stuff.
I have vintage clothes. I love vintage inspired underwear (not like you can tell seeing as how 99 % of my posts relate to my never ending search for the perfect girdle, stocking, big panty) and I wear this stuff. The underwear I do daily (it is winter time) and I generally gravitate toward vintage inspired and full skirted clothes in stores. I was a rockabilly DJ in college. I wont even tell you what happened after a RHH show at the Norva in VA (hint--he is three and his name starts with a G). What I will say is this--hang it up, you pretentious jerks! Do you have any idea how straight up stoopid you look waltzing (or jitterbugging or lindy-hopping) into a Burger King? Or a mall? Or pumping your gas? These would be the same people who sneer when I wear regular pantyhose and dont draw a seam on my leg, finger wave my hair daily or wear all vintage clothes all the time. Newsflash, you are not Ginger Rogers. You are not Carey Grant. You are not Jimmy Stewart, Greta Garbo or Marilyn Monroe. You work at Ross (or any random "boutique" restaurant) and you need to hurry up taking the beepy tag thing off of my 5.99 pocket book and while you are at it, refill my Dr. Pepper. But dont raise your drawn on eyebrows at me, sister, cause I live in reality.

Sheesh. I just get a little fed up with the whole "I live vintage!" lifestyle. It is far too time consuming and all of those vintage clothes rip and smell like mothballs. I think, though, the sheer snootiness is what kills me. Which is why when I see a sneering red mouth I tend to spit my gum as hard as I can in that general vicinity. Cause I am vintage like that.

The points! The fabulous, fabulous points! (even cheaper vintage style drawers, ya'll!)

So, after I went and saw New Moon (yeah. I am a dork. I read all of the books while I was on bed rest with my last baby and then I saw the movies. So shoot me. I am a lonely woman.)-which, by the way, was redeemable from the awful acting skills of reject-breck girl-hair flippy mc flipperton-Kristen Stewart by way of shirtless and well built mens- I went to wal-mart to buy regular old pantyhose (I can't do full fashion stockings all the time. I am not that glamorous) and what do I see but what appears to be circle stitching on a gigantic brassiere. Upon closer inspection it WAS circle stitching. Oh holla! Best part was this gigantic undergarment came with a 5.00 price tag and an assortment of garish colors. I chose red. I would post a pic, but cant find one on the Internet, but look for the cheapest bra at wal-mart. The points on this thing! The pointy, pointy, points! That being said, it offers NO support, so this would be a strictly inside thing for me.

I love my Bali skimp-skamps, but I have found a fly in the ointment. They get picked by jeans. I don't care to have my 9.00 drawers picked, thank you very much (that is how cheap I am--sale drawers I get for dirt cheap and I have to find an even cheaper alternative for wear with my cheap denim. I have a problem.) so I was skulking around the lingerie section at Kohl's trying to not look too bizarro in my hunting cap with earflaps, when I spy a microfiber big panty with a leopard print. For 3 bucks.

The picture above would be a pair of USED vanity fair panties from the 50's. They are vintage, I will give them that, but some poor sucker (well, to pay that much for those things I guess they were just poor in the brains dept) paid 86.00 for them. 86.00!!!!! What is wrong with people?!?!

I bought these in leopard for 3.00. And they were new. And not worn by some random lady who could have had some nastiness. I mean really, I love vintage and all, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Use your imagination to project a frolicksome animal print on these bad boys! Grr! I am a big animal panty! A big CHEAP animal panty (and new. dont forget that important factor!)

Also, in all of my internet searchings for cheap big girl drawers, I have discovered that there is a large population of men panty and bullet bra wearers. Not that I am passing judgement, but c'mon fellas! Quit buying my band and cup size just so you can have a good time! Save some for us girls who could use the lift!

Never too early to shop for easter (added plus is mortifying your children in the process!YAY!)

It is a week before thanksgiving, so you know what that means. That's right, folks, time to shop for easter outfits! YAY!

Since this is my last easter dressing G in a jon-jon, I decided I wanted something a little more mortifying than my usual plain bunnies or duckies or lambs. I didnt want to pay full price for said mortification and therein lies the problem...Or so I thought until I found Lollypopkidsclothing.com. There I found my adorable hideousness that will forever haunt my son as an adult. On sale, no less.

Paired with white knee socks and his white Willets, it will be a magical moment. Well, for me at least.

Since the full view does not quite do the sickening adorableness justice, here is just the smocking. Oh how those boys of mine will hate me for these clothes! But really, what is the point of having boys if you cant dress them like little english gentlemen for at least 3 years? After this it is polos and khakis until my dying day, so carpe diem!

The best part is I bought this for less than 40 bucks and that includes shipping! It was marked down from 72.99! Holleration and Halleluyer!

So long to the jon-jon

There comes a time in every mothers life when she must make a life changing decision in the life of her young son-to smock? Or, not to smock? That is my situation. I made the decision that once G was past 3T I would put down the jon-jons. That being said, I am still going to do smocked ts and turtlenecks to get me past the initial withdrawal, but then what in the devil was I going to do?

Shortsets. For cheap. And embroidered. Then the gates of heaven opened and a chorus of angels began to sing....

I googled "smocked clothing sale" and found the fantaisie kids website. I have purchased the fantaisie brand before, but had never (I want those days and those dollars back--NOW) been to the website.

The selection is amazing, the clothes fabulous and the prices TO DIE FOR!

That being said, there is way more for girls than boys, but there were precious boys things,too. Just not as many. But, I did find some cuteness for my big boy--for less than 50 bucks---that is shipping included.

The sailor suit was a must have. Church appropriate and EMBROIDERED but not babyish. I wanted to set down and start squalling when I saw the price. 16.00. Marked down from 40.00 (which is a great price to start with anyhow). Saved 24.00.

This sucker here, now, made my southern traditional heart skip a beat. That or it was all of that moonshine for breakfast, but I digress.

Shadow. Embroidered. Seashells. For 21.60. Nuff said.

Best AFFORDABLE retro style underwears!

I love vintage inspired underwears (inside joke for my momma!). They are delicious. They are pretty and they are (surprise!) COMFORTABLE. All you crazy people who say thongs and g-strings are comfortable are lying. I know, because I too was part of this self torture. They are usually not even flattering. Blech. That being said, finding good quality and real vintage inspired lingerie and full fashion stockings can be daunting and cause me to start snagging cash from my childrens non-existant college funds.


So, being cheap, I have found good alternatives to the high priced boutiques. I like to think these are even better because these brands have been around a loong time.


Best everyday brief


Bali skimp skamp. Oh where to begin on the wonderfulness of these things! They are pretty, they are sheer, they are affordable, they almost come all the way up to my bra! Ah, the wonderfulness of Bali. I bought 3 pairs at Kohl's for 17 bucks on sale. They usually retail for about 9.00 a pair, but every department store that carries Bali always has a good sale.

There are no panty lines with these and you dont feel like you have a wedgie all day like you do with a thong. They are so awesome, even men buy them, too. I was looking up reviews on these before I went and bought a drawer full and about 60% of all reviews were from dudes. Seriously.

Best scandalous brief

Secrets in Lace sheer brief. These things are beautiful and come in a variety of colors and start at 9.00 a pair! I have seen sheer briefs go for as much as 40.00 and if I was crazy enough to spend that much on a pair of drawers, they better fix me breakfast, do my laundry and then tap-dance to entertain the company. SIL's briefs are prettier than most, resonably priced and Dita Von Teese has a line with SIL so you know they are the real deal.

Best bullet bra alternative

I like looking like I can poke some eyes out just as much as the next girl, but do I want to pay a zillion dollars for a brassiere I will wear once in a blue moon when I feel like blinding folks? No. Most quality real deal bullet bras will cost you, but if you just want a nice vintage looking alternative with some point, but not deadly point, Playtex is your man (or woman. whatever).

Yes, the good ol' Bra in a Box. 18 hours of solid support and guaranteed to never pinch, push, fuss, muss or go anywhere (even if someone is trying to remove it-ha!) cause this baby might as well be made of steel. Another plus, Playtex has thoughtfully made larger cup sizes with a smaller band size for us gals that nature decided to play a practical joke on. And they support your back. Functional and, well, functional. And if your husband, partner, significant other, restraining orderee is a fan of the Monkey Wards panty catalogue look like mine is, then you are in bid-nezz my friend. A+ in my book.

Best Full Fashion and regular stockings and garter belts

JC Penney, baby! They not only have the original open style girdles with garters, but they have panty girdles and stockings, too, for an affordable price. If full fashion is what you want (and who doesnt?) the back to Secrets in Lace. I know it would be nice to buy original deadstock full fashion stockings circa 1950's, but I dont feel like forking out 50 bucks for stockings and then buying gloves to put said ff stockings on with because if you get a snag then you are doomed. Besides that, if you are one of those unlucky ladies whose foot grew about 5,000 sizes during pregnancy (cough- thanks kids) then finding your size stockings in authentic deadstock is close to impossible. SIL has fantastic ff stockings for a great price. Like under 30 bucks great. Awesome. They even have the keyhole finish. Ah, secrets in lace, go ahead and take my husbands paycheck. I am sure he wont mind. too much. Ha!